Back away to the safety of a quiet house.

What a good start for my very first tutorial (communication skills 2 - kiss my ass) today. I was so damn late, my bloody alarm didn't go off. I shouldn't even turn up for class.. that 45 minutes tutorial. In fact, I should have slept in longer. Damn it.. My damn teacher doesn't give a fuck about me, she just marked me ABSENT. Now I have 2 BIG FUGLY ZEROS on the attendance sheet. NICE. Kayyy, my bad. I was late for 1/2 an hour. Kayyy, bang my head on the wall, please. The weather is realllly terribly gay?! It's so god damn humid, and helloooo we're nearing monsoon season, it's still so WARMMM.. All hail global warming. I hope a star explodes now, causing an outburst in space and igniting a super massive big black hole, sucking everyone and everything and then everyone dies. I wna die. Hmm, side-tracked.

Sigggh, running so low on cash, I'm seriously desperateeee.. I really am so cash-strapped ): Come some money money money. Totally wasted my money on this movie, Superbad. Seriously it is super bad. Damn gayyy can. All they talk about is sex, girls, dicks and they hurl profanities more than I do. /: Uhh kay, I wasn't suppose to in the first place. Sighh. Still some parts of the movie was worth the laugh, spasms and all. Hmm. Prata for lunch, cheapo ice-cream for desserts and some gummies for the itchy mouths (: haha.

Back to band. I seriously think I suck so bad when it comes to making music. Just can't make it la. Hais. And I'm so overly dependent on my peers. Sigh.. I'm so demoralised. What's more, concert's this coming friday. My excitement, mood and feelings are still not here. Don't know why I'm feeling soooo... But I just DREAD everything about band now. It's not about anything or anyone, it's about Me and Myself. I lost my passion for making band music, I've lost my passion for this band... I lost everything I once had... OHHH GOD, I feel so damn depressed now. I don't feel like carrying on, I'm on my verge..

I hate it when everything decided to crumble upon my feet. And I don't have a solution to all this questions I don't even understand. Succumbing to my fears.

You close your eyes and kiss your hand, then you blow it

But it isn't meant for me, and I notice.

If the choice was ours alone

Then why'd we both choose letting go?

Does it end like this?

Time never had a chance to heal your heart

Just a number always counting down to a new start

If you always knew the truth

Then the world would spin around you

Are you dizzy yet..?

Oh, oh take it all back, take your first, your last, your only..

stay close, don't go.

It's a damn cold night mannnn. Gosh I'm freezing. I'm alr prepared to hit the sack now.. What a gd weather to sleeep in! But thanks school, I've got a pathetic 2hr lecture later. RRARRr. It's okay, I'm gng to acc mummy dear later! I wna treat her for lunch or dinner(: Anyway, THANK GOD FOR THE SUN TODAY! HALLELUJAH! I've got a pretty even mild tan, but I love it. And roseeeey pink cheeks (slightly burnt though)! Thanks twinlove and jacq! Today was reallly fun. You guys tire me outtttt to the maxxxx. Cui-ed. I'm even too tired to upload the pictures now. Maybe tomorrow. Band drained every drop of energy off me. Can't imagine how hungry I was awhile ago. Should have eaten pineapple fried rice! Lol. Random... Anyway.. I think milk taste better before bedtime(: Hmmm. More outings and beaching and junking with you two on days when got-school-like-no-school days! Hate every 9AM mornings. GOD DAMN THE BUS 27, 23, and 15. I'm beaaaatttt. Nights(:

A sweet song(:

Jimmy Eat World, For Me This Is Heaven
The first star I see, may not be a star.
We can't do a thing but wait.
So lets wait for one more.
And the time, such clumsy time in deciding if it's time.
I'm careful, but not sure how it goes.
You can lose yourself in your courage.
When the time we have now ends.
When the big hand goes round again.
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?
And the mindless comfort grows,
when I'm alone with my great plans.
And this is what she says gets her through it:
"If I don't let myself be happy now then when?"
If not now when?
When the time we have now ends.
When the big hand goes round again.
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?
I close my eyes and believe wherever you are,
you're an angel for me.
When the time we have now ends.
When the big hand goes round again.
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?

Back to where we started.

I feel totally bimbotic since yesterday. And today. Hmmmm. Have been in town and city for the past few days. Zzz. And wasted like so much money on my shopping trip. It's worth the money though. Hmmm.. guess I really needa scrimp and save again since I won't be working currently. I shall let the pictures carry on, I'm moodless to talk.

Hello bbbbbbff(: On our way to Doby.
We chilled at Cathay's Starbuckssss. Olivia loved this photo! Twist!

And I made Olivia try my favourite Green Tea Frap with Blackberry(: Now both of us love it!! Lol.
Today's menu:

Hahaha, the obvious. We went grubbing instead after realising that the career seminar was like totally not for us.
Ommm yooom yuuuuum. Twinnie love grubbing her B.M.T
I look like a rat. OMMM. Grubbing moi Honey Oat((:
ONE-EYED Monsters!!
Desserts! (: Phish foood is really sweeeeeet. Chocolate, chocolate. Oh sinnnnners foood.
Seeing double?! Lol. Twin's L.O.V.E(:
I think Feli is so cool.
Kiss me, baby.
I'm so damn lazy now. My eyes are red and dry. And school's starting tomorrow. I can't wait to see everyone again! (: Dread it's going to be a 9AM lecture. Anyway! Beaching tomorrow. I hope the sun would be kind to us! I wna soak and embrace you dearest sun! (: Ciao.

Those words never failed to make me feel so appreciated. You managed to draw a smile outta me after so long. Now, you've got me dizzy. Sometimes I wish I didn't fall for it, I just can't help it but let them get me. Sigh.. I'm still wondering how did I end up in such a wreck, every single time. And you still mean a lot to me. I really hate to contradict. You really do.

The smile when you tore me apart.
You took my heart, deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams, I wished they would turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.

Metal.

Goth metal is so really god damn good, I swear.
So heartfelt.... Ohhh. What a word to describe metal.
But, I still don't like the metal you've sent to me.
Whatever.
Felt like my mood had just plunged into a melancholic black well..
Oh, what a swing..

Hello, darkness.
Embrace. Darkness.

Round and round we go again.

You said go slow, and I fall a little.
For a moment I'd thought you wouldn't be there to pick me up.
I've really though I've lost you somewhere.
Days passed, you'd turned around.
But now... I seem to be the one whom has turned her back on you..?
I think we're going no where too..
What am I suppose to do with you?
Tell me...

Today. Work was great(: Chasing the producers for their synopses is really a dreaded thing to do. But oh well, left on the dot today!

Band practice was held in the audi and I think the chicken went insane, terribly insane.. I'm so pissed off with you. Goshhhh. Shut up! Won't you?! Fucktard. And your tone is worse than ever. DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR EMBOUCHURE. Stop giving excuses you can't change your embouchure. If you can't, don't even think about playing!!! You're spoiling our intonnation and blending. Because of you, I had to go FLAT! What the hell. I'd wish you'd go back playing something else than the alto! AH! Kayyys. Random.

Back at the band room. OLIVIA, you're soooo sweet! You made me SCREAM! 'Cause..... She gave me a PATRICK(: Awwwwws. Hahahas. It's not fat and flat la! It's soooo cutee. So sweeeet of yoooou!! (x Thanks darling, and I hope your feet's better now. Why did you let your foot end up in the exact same fate as mine?! Lol, why did you let your foot suffer in agonyyyy. HAIYOOO. Silly, you really shouldn't have bought those shoes. They're really a hard pair to season. Trusttt me. Haiyo. Poor girl.

Anyway, everyone lost to me, 'cause I wna eat HEXING and they don't want to. So my whinnings, and grumblings, and stravation, and irritation won the war(: YAYS. BUT DAMN THEM. They didn't have the omelette rice I was so craving for. ZZZ. Random happenings at emo-playground, yo. Singing with Jerome and Olivia. Disturbing Seehua, Qinghui and Desmond anddd making Yanie and Nina laugh so hard. Isaaac, you're soooo funnnny. WAHAHA. It don't matter, 'cause I've got youuuuuuuuuuu(: BYE. What a super random post can. :/

Goodnight.. you. hmmm..

Clique!

Thank you darling clique! I REALLY MISSED YOU GUYS. This is like my first time meeting you all for the holidays, and monday school's reopening?! SIGHH. Man.. Missed all my year one classmates ): Today we celebrated for Shile and my belated bday! : ) They surprised us with this really goooood Choco Tiramisuuu cake!!

(: Chocolateeeyy Tiramissuuuu! It's so cute 'cause it has the fork and spoon design! My 5th and last cake! Thanks to Liping, Michelle and my lesbian crush, su-h baby!!
But most of all.... Thank you, ROY! hahaha. (: I made a wish for you and liping too. 8 years later please reserve a table for us okay? ((: You get what I meant((: THANK YOU! HAHAHA! Oh, we were at BISHAN, Pizzahut. I was so not full?! I finished like a big slice of cake. HAHA. And I was still craving for something more. Omg, I just exposed what a glutton I am.. LOL. Went window shopping w lesbian crush, she ended up buying her clothes. HAHA! Was suppose to shop for a top for the upcoming band concert la. Just can't find the right one. I'm determined to get one, really. This thursday! If not I am not called TAN YIN JOO JOLENE. HAHA. Okay. yinjooooo. Oh man, missed my clique so much, but sch's starting. It's really hard to meet up when school starts. BAHHH! Hope to meet up again! PLEASE DO! Lol. Here are some really random shoots in Phut:
They asked us to make a wish.
Then pose with the cake before cutting it.
And kiss each other.HAHA! None other than my silly clique((: LOVE Y'ALL!

Hahaha. 3 more days till I end work at Mediacorp. Man... I'm going to miss the people there. HAHA. Today's highlight at work. Being in the English dept. I think they expect us to like speak and type properly la. So uncle gabriel was like checking my work and melly was watching too. I thought everything was like PERFECT. I checked all my podcast uploads and all... Then huh.... they spot one damn mistake that made me so damn embarassed.
Si uncle: "HA! HA! HORRRRR!! YOUR EPISODE!!! You spell WRONG!!! SPELL APISODE! HA!!!"
Me: "......................."
Melly: "WO DA NI DE PI GU AH!!! Episode also can spell wrongly!!"
ME: -______________-" "........................................... AH!!!!!"

HAHAHA! Irritating. It's JUST ONE LETTER! hahaha. Funny people la. Hah.. Stay tune to another Apisode of, Jolene's tales. HAHA. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THURSDAY SUNDAY! It's.... POLDAR DAYYY!!! YAY! Lastly, Happy 18th birthday, boy. ((:

Remedies.

First and for most, I'm in serious need of this,


A GIANT BAR OF DARK CHOCOLATE?! Sigh, not in the best of mood lately.. My mind's really so cluttered. No matter how much I just wna throw it away, it will just keep coming back. So... I'm in really need of comfort food. But thanks Olivia lovely for the bar, the endorphins are kinda perking me up. For a tad period that is. It just dies off after I finished the bar.

Hmmmmmmm, changed your mind about whipped cream?


Haha, kayyyys. Was just being gross with Olivia (Ngoi ngoi twooo). HAHA. I'm foaming whipped cream from the mouth, yooo. A really unglamorous picture of Moi. Sorry if I've got you puking yesterday's meals. I'm just plainly bored and out of my mind. And it was meant to disturb my ngoi ngoi two. HAHA. Anywayyy, I really like the blackberry & greentea frap from Starbuckkks! IT'S REALLY NICE! Olivia has been bragging about it and was like convincing me that I should really really reallyyy try it. It's really refreshing and the blackberry tasted like jam. Just an extra tinge of fruity flavouring, yo. MMMMM. I'm so craving for it now. Boooo. Kinda reminded me random, I've just had caffeine! GOD. How am I going to sleep later. Damn it, another restless night.

Oversized tee + fbts + a doubledecker bed + a restless girl =


Life sucks. Just had to spice up my life by doing really random stupid stuff. I miss you, I REALLY DO. GOD. Shut up head, I've alr lost my mind. Don't make me lose my soul. Can't wait for the evening later(: I'm gna meet my darling clique. Wednesday. BIG SIGH. 17th. UHHHH): I'm blasting music to my alr deaf ear now, don't disturb me. Ciao.

So I'll waste these nights for a while
But I'll be holding on to you forever
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
I'm taken by your hope-filled lines
They're well-designed and dragging me along
I'll be waiting for this chance and I'll be gone

No music to my words.

The loneliness now so overwhelming
Feelings crumble into ash
Selling memories to never come back
Why should you keep you asked
Who ever thought history came crashing down your doors
Songs we used to listen, songs we used to play
Everything can't seem to erase, they just changed

Take a step back 'cause we were moving too fast
I go slow, but I fell down
Made me believe you'd be there with me and catch my tears
They were just words from a precious lie
How you bare to watch it break me into pieces
My mind so lost, your soul's all gone

Your voice used to be the warmth, it melts my heart
Reassuring you're here
Your presence didn't bother me at all
Going to bed with blessings
And waking up in little surprises
We used to be friends, now a stranger
Now it's just goodbye
Everything can't seem to erase, they just changed

Take me back to our yesterdays
Hand in hand, you walked me through
I can't hurt anymore, please release me..

I wrote another crappy song, can't think of a title.

number twohundredsixtyone.

Neglected my shit for so long. So okay, I'm back. Nothing much but I've got a hellavu shit to rant about. I swear to my mother's bolah that today's the most sickening and shittiest day ever. I had a really hardddd time travelling on the MRT. I took the wrong train, I waited for the trains which took forever, I overshot the station which I'm suppose to alight and I almost forgotten to alight when I was coming back home. My mind's such a pain today it decided to wander off and didn't return at all. ): Think I'm not going to take the train for some time. Made me sooo damn upset. And I didn't get anything from my pathetic shopping trip. ARG. My mother is CRAZY. She fed Bobby human medicine cause he had diarrhoea. Wtf la. Lucky he's alive still. Dad. YA DAD, brought him to the vet. Thank God he still responses to me and the plastic bag sound (he thinks it's food when he hears the plastic bag noises) Sigh.... Today's just not my day. I couldn't think and concentrate. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm irritated over something I can't comprehend.

Whatever. Hate today. Let's talk about yesterday. Was just looking forward for dinner, practically starve whenever I'm at work. ): Nobody accompanies me for lunch breaks. Sigh. SOOoo lonely. Nvm. Dinner was fillliingg. And after that went to play spaklers with yanie. Sadly the atmosphere wasn't there. Woonkiat, Steven and Olivia came to pick me up with my step brother-in-law's car and we went to drink kopi and cruise along the night skyline. Yay, Woonkiat drove us to so many places and seriously my brother-in-law's BMW is sooooo damn comfy. HAHA. What a great nightttt. (: I enjoyed the drive through eerie Seletar area. Misty, cool wind and oh-so-tranquil. Can't wait for the next drive around! One more week till school reopens. Pffffft. I hate this entry. It's so monotonous. TODAY JUST PASSED ME BY. "Tomorrow would be a better day." Promise.




Girl-POWER. BBMS forever! Seehua's the photographer btw. (:

And you know what, I wish I didn't exist.
Or vice-versa.
YOU didn't exist in my life.
It's can't be THAT BAD, you know.
Maybe it isn't that bad afterall.
Find my mind back, please?
I've lost it all...

(She whispered into your subconscious heart.. :"I missed you, sweets.. You hear me!")